People say, “The key to a happy marriage is God”. I laugh. They cannot possibly be serious? I believe the key to a happy marriage is mutual need gratification. I side with the school of “need” rather than the school of “religion”. There is a common law under this school, a rule in which all students operate under; this rule is: “Thou shall meet the needs of thy partner and thou shall have thy needs met in addition, orst thou shall find it elsewhere.”
Sounds harsh? The truth usually is. Now, we can state that the key to a strong marriage lies in a common faith in God. However, I believe that a common faith in God merely solidifies the union through the imposed rules by Biblical tradition. For instance, do you not covet your neighbor’s wife (or husband) because you don’t THINK about it and don’t WANT to…or do you not covet your neighbor’s wife because you believe you will have to beg for your forgiveness and could possibly burn in a fiery pit of liquid hot magma for eternity? Moreover, do you kick those thoughts right out of your head because it’s a sin to think of someone else sexually when in a matrimonial union or because you don’t want to have the thoughts and find them unpleasant? I will side more with the former. I feel that if you have to turn to God to make your marriage persist, then you are on shaky ground. God can only help you so much; the rest is up to the two people in the union. The rest is also challenged by biology. If you subscribe to that whole, “God made us in his image” belief, well, he made us biologically charged with instinctual needs too.
It is my belief that biological and instinctual needs drive the species. We may justify our deviation from these needs under the guise of religion, but the need still exists. We may project that we are beyond it, but the needs lie suppressed. Religion has a strangle hold on everything that is biologically programmed in our species…Why? Because biology and instinct is something that we can’t control, something that we can’t ignore. It’s the pink elephant in the room that we turn the other cheek to…Just because we are not looking at it, does not mean it ceases to exist. With this being said, if you or your partners needs are not being met (no matter a marital or committed relationship), that person is nearly guaranteed to look outside for satisfaction of those needs. It’s only natural. This theory is increased by level of attractiveness also. If you are with someone or you are an attractive person, you have more options…you are used to having more options; therefore, more attention must be paid in order to satisfy those needs. Can these needs be suppressed? Of course. But does suppressing something make it not exist, or does it direct its attention elsewhere in the form of an outlet? It may not necessarily be another person. Perhaps it becomes something electronic, or something battery operated…But, the problem still remains and is clearly not being taken care of.
Maybe I’m just someone who likes to get to the root of a problem. But why do I see so many people satisfied with the illusion rather than reality. It seems as though some people are satisfied with “looking” like they have the perfect life rather than attempting to create that life. Yes, we can never achieve perfection; but I feel it’s a goal that although never achieved, is still something that we should strive for. The image of the perfect relationship does not a perfect relationship make…so why are some satisfied with that? I’ve seen people succumb to deceit when they know exactly what is going on behind their backs – How does this help anything? If you value the other person in your life and you value them on the basis of being a human being; Not just a husband, not a boyfriend, not just a wife, nor a girlfriend, not just a father, not just a mother…but a human being in which you value: Just satisfy their needs! Furthermore, if you are the less sexually charged in your relationship you must be the one to step up to the plate. Relationships are meant to be coveted, and the bar is set at the most highly sexualized person…and if you are not coveting your relationship and you are with a quality individual, someone else will gladly reciprocate their appreciation.
So let’s settle with the truth: If you have been cheated on, you have cheated, or you have thought about it, contemplated it, or fantasized about it…then you probably can agree with me. God merely acts like a large block wall that we masons put up desperately so that we may not have to face the truth. Is it the devil putting those thoughts into your head, or is it biology? We must blame it on someone evil because we can’t control it…and we’re ashamed of our natural tendencies. We blame the other person for their lack of self control, when the blame also lies within the one pointing the finger. Embrace yourself, your sexuality, and it will embrace you back. Was it just “not meant to be” and you diverted off of the path God intended, or could it have benefited your relationship to have kept yourself up and spent a little more time in the bedroom? We can blame God for a lot of things, we can blame others for an even more extensive amount of circumstance – but we simply can’t blame ourselves for say…a lack of oral copulation?
It would be a safe argument to say that the human species, by nature is not a monogamous creature. Woman want the most qualified man; that of physical strength, stamina, and protection. Men want the most biologically gifted physically to enhance their genetic components for their offspring. Evolution, society, religion and its mores just get in the way of what we are natural inclined to do. With that being said, when we make the choice to be committed and make the choice to be monogamous we can certainly make that choice a little easier by not expecting the other person to be less than a basic human with basic needs. If we meet those needs, we are certainly in for more of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It’s time we took a little more responsibility for our own actions instead of using God as an scapegoat for reality. You cannot deny biology, you also cannot deny the concept of “nurture” and its role in your life…identifying and meeting the needs of all of these components may not be easy, but it is something we should embrace to the fullest. If you don’t, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Eve Maitresse 